Pray. I will only put that card on the table as a last resort. It feels like my body is outside of itself, if that makes sense. At this stage it is hard to put any stick in anything they say or do b/c it makes no sense. Well I knew a little bit about addiction as far as alcohol and drugs and what happened there. In bags or boxes. His coldness and animosity. I told him today on the phone, when he refused to come over to do these documents Its your turn to do the right thing. One day youll wake up and think Meh dont care. Just a dinner!! Whats it look like?? Most of all, I felt smothered by the darkness and utter hopelessness that I felt about the future. There are no good answers. Go out with a friend for a drink or dinner. It did to me. The closest I came was a couple months after R he had to get a colonoscopy. We just dont have the kind of control over other people. We are finished. The challenge for you is endurance. Due to my employ, cell phone usage was frowned upon. When the treat is not offered the dog gets agitated. Satori Stay strong and take care of you. It occurred to me this morning that the controlling accusation is actually a projection. And getting back the self-respect is the first step toward them reconnecting with us emotionally. He said his greatest hope was to spend the rest of his days building our connection and future. If finding my self respect means finding my bad ass.well then so be it. Were you discussing D? So in this scenario with a bunch of highly self absorbed people, how would I have any chance of saving my M when my lost H is relying on them for his guidance and feedback? Im ready for it to be completely over or to R. But either way, thanks to the support here, Im ready. Throwing a 49th is very cool. As you can see. So how is it some men have them and some dont? You cut off the visit as you have a meeting elsewhere. The wedding was called off, and Priya stayed at a friends house in Bangalore to get away from everything where, at last, she heaved a massive sigh of relief. For example, we have the on-going saga of Nina the Narcissistic Nurse and Steve the Wanna Be Surgeon. The hydrangea Runaway Bride has beautiful stems, blooms, and leaves which can be grown in hanging baskets or even grown over a wall. The cries that came out of me were animalistic. He told them I did nothing wrong and it was all his fault. But it was only after he first found out that he would not get what he assumed that he started even talking with me again, and then of course the MC suggestion that was retracted etc. I dont want to say that its taking a better course, just different. But when I found out he had ended it hours earlier. Its my story good, bad or evil. I already had the locks changed and had a letter to get some basic understanding about the business end of financials. You must strengthen your identity without your spouse. The important thing now is to take realllly good care of YOU. Satori Short answer YES to all the above. Get your own bank account and put nothing in your joint account. However, this behavior is part and parcel of narcissistic behavior. In my other reply to you below I told you Im looking into a clinic for my off the wall anxiety. And we have to hope and pray that they want to commit to our M with all they have. Satori, hes not going to kill himself. The dopamine pathways fire up from the high of the illicit affair as chemicals such as drugs or alcohol. Good luck to you but know you are in the drivers seat. Youre young and yes 15 years seems like a long time. Im now starting to see patterns in his new A behaviour and he does this all the time, i.e: H leaves me having found conciliatory ground with me I always like to leave things as neutral as possible for the timid forest creature to feel he can come back. Pray for him but do not stay in contact with him. Its funny (sad funny) how the CS follows the same downward spiral and we are left watching things go down the drain. You can stand up for what is rightfully yours and behave with integrity as wellYou can do this!!! As with TFWs calm clarity, Im utilising every piece of advice you both give me. I already had 15 years and all the firsts. Me: I guess its like anything you just have to start at the beginning. Most men dont announce that shit to their mothers. I made a wish and not what you might think either. Hugs to you too. So when theres setbacks be reassured its normal. Although, a wife never wants to be seen as mommy either because then a husband has a hard time viewing her as a lover and that causes a whole other set of problems. And I decided if I smashed some windows the alarm would go off and he would surely answer the call from the alarm company. Especially since the affair had been going on for almost 4 years!!! O the negative side, he is now saying he does not think R will work BECAUSE he has done so much damage to me, to the M, our intimate relationship etc. You need to start helping/taking care of you. TFW heard divorce in less than a month many times. Stay strong, stay positive and look good for this. In the end, I guess it is all about choices. Basically the second he was out the door, he was 100% done, no explanation given no interest nor regard for me or my wellbeing just nothing. Hi Shifting I sorry for your loss. And WOW (sarcasm) Im so glad your OW has morals too. Often, even the seeming opportunity to cheat was not even there. She just doesnt have the balls to direct it to ME. I think counseling is the best thing I did. They are all in disbelief that my H has done this and in the way he has too. It takes strength to go through the grieving process. On our trip to CO when I got DDay 2 my husband had read just enough to grasp the term sex addict. Im sure he lives her and is conflicted. Thanks ladies. I need it to stay afloat as its my income until everything gets sorted. He knew everything he had done and I hadnt gotten all the info yet. And he is respecting me more too. Resentful. First kine should read sorry not dirty. Nothing too scary yet. I mean realistically its all digital since they are in two distant countries. You can express yourself and vent any way you choise. That was a red flag but I cant prove anything. I agree 100% about what you said about everything. And yes, my Dad is a class act. Let us consider the psychology of the actions of escaped brides and grooms in more detail. Accordingly and respectfully, I cannot agree with your statement that you deserve better treatment from me as a fellow betrayed spouse. The bible also says God helps those who help themselves. I have seen the show Hoarders. That is not to say he didnt lie about some details or was 100% forthcoming on details but he was pretty good about most of it. It is usually that woman or man who is well-respected and admired in the communityand often that person who seems to have the perfect life and family. So basically yes, its the same as in your case but only NOW do I understand why he wouldnt do MC or IC. I suffered alone through most of the affair and the stages of grief, healing, pain, trouble, heartache, etc. I totally agree with both of you. I then uninvited him to a charity event I was running and basically said we no longer had joint commitments he looked at me and said why is that? AS I said to TFW above, Im NC and today will be Day 6. I pray and hope you are right TH. But remorse first and then we rebuild from there, but I have seen nothing from you. I still see red flags actions do not match words at all. I saw it immediately and warned him. I found an opening, and took my control before he could do it. Another thing that is different about these situations is that the runaway spouse announces the news during the most seemingly mundane time. So I said If you dont want to work on things (R) there are no options that are good, really.. not to mention your dreams is a kind of death of identity that Im only just starting to understand. I read this article by Erica Manfred on HuffPo that describes cheating / leaving as an act of fear, aggression and symbolic violence, as well as narcissistic rage: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erica-manfred/hes-the-one-who-cheated-a_b_805510.html. 4. He can CHOOSE R at any time. You can now see what so many of us here have been through. And yes, no red flags except during and just prior to the affairs, which I did not recognize either. Cant save everyone. I will tell you once I got out of my shock and awe mode of the first couple weeks doing the 180 and saying have at that white rash scumbag along with family and a couple of friends saying the same the relationship certainly lost its allure and hold in him. And therefore, since he is not willing to give me a satisfying answer to any of it, the more I express in comprehensive fact based detail what I understand and the more right I am, the more dug in to his logically indefensible position he becomes and the prospect of closure or even breakthrough becomes (ironically) less obtainable. At some point they gave up and figured out that the marriage could never be repaired. I just couldnt so Im letting myself be driven. I just need to move forward. But guess what she turned my support against me. Our circle of trust and friends probably gets a little smaller after an affair. I will always hurt from this betrayal. So, if that includes dropping an F bomb now and then, I have no problem with that. My own family has been wonderful. Our lives have been turned upside down by a spouse who became more concerned with me than we. The clues were never there. Im like Come on babe, what for? So be realized his behavior was wrong and stopped the A (I actually think she ended it). So dont accept into your own belief system. And then he told me how angry he was for me. At least next time I prepared for it. Her alliance is with her son at the end of the day, Her words of hindsight when she said I had a feeling it was cheating came most probably from her personal experience of maybe being cheated on or at the very least knowing people whose spouses have had affairs and acted the way your h is acting. They blew up my happy world. Like I said life was good. Plus theres a lot to digest here with all the info being given. As to the problems in the marriage, these problems have now been professionally diagnosed. I finally sat down in the other rocking chair as her behavior just didnt make sense. in the night sky I saw a massive shooting star. ), drove with my little Garmin through LA traffic not having one single CLUE where the hell I was but drove north anyway, I hiked all over NO Cal by myself, shopped, ate what I wanted when I wanted and while I kept saying Yikes Im scared and it was all so new being alone, I knew I would be ok with just me myself and I. I did however cry my eyes out on the flight home The poor guys sitting next to me didnt know what the hell to say or do but one did pet my arm and reassured me everything would be ok. LOL of course he had no idea why I was crying. Satori you are very very smart. Most of us are very private about the infidelity and often have to walk though our daily lives as if everything is fine. get over it, get on with it, put it behind us and lets sweep this unpleasantness under the rug) is all further victimisation and invalidating in every way possible. Along with prayer is wusfim to become very educated about what youre dealing with as far as his mothers character or lack there of. TheFirstWife: wow, from what you write our situations seem very similar. Ive been putting in strong boundaries with anyone in my orbit. To see things clearly has really fucked with my centre of gravity. BSA has had some good info but lately shes into an area for which I have very little interest. I just wanted to scream my husband left me and Im 56 years old and I dont know what the hell Im going to do but that could have been reason for and emergency landing somewhere over Utah and that would have been very ugly for everyone. So I drive to his office. He gave no indication he was unhappy. From http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/narcissists-abandon-their-families-and-re-invent-themselves-4/, Grannon, Richard. This apple didnt even have to fall. I also hope you can keep the business together and as I said he can always be hired back as an employee but never an owner. I am paranoid and feel unsafe with everyone. Theres nothing wrong with a little help from meds but you have to make sure they are the right ones. But as things began to unravel between the two of them..I no longer quite know who to to believe. OW. Ive showed anger and contempt for them but have never directed swear words directly to them let alone a BS. Just had to get all the toxic feelings out that he created in me. And twice I took him back. Emphasis on the may and only with irrefutable proof the EA has ended and the Runaway H has a plan to make clear his complete remorse and urgent amends on all fronts. The CS has to want it otherwise the A continued with the same OW or the CS eventually finds a new OW. I vote go to Italy. And spoiled brats will play the martyr as often as they can or any other card they have up their sleeve. Hed done too much damage. Just putting this out there, because its at play in so many cheating relationships, but unfortunately, most of the wonderful reconciliation techniques, will.not.work. Im sensing the Bunny Boiler my H is currently obsessing over will not be so relaxed about either his sporting pursuits (which take up a lot of his free time) nor his very codependent male buddies. Computers, pictures, printers, desks. He can Google how to fix a M after infidelity and tons of advice in all forms will pop up. One of Hs stated fears (this was said the previous day) is that if we reconcile, I will have him totally locked down. Just being far far away is liberating while everything ticks along. You have offered grace. What do you say to yourself to give yourself permission to disregard them? I have finally lost my desire and willingness to do this anymore. And when you are in your groove letting it all out, you have given me some very healing belly laughs. After all, Ive been known to drop a few myself at times. They chose to be less than not you. Yes that story is etched forever in my mind. Ang Runaway bride syndrome (gamophobia, gametophobia) usa ka komplikado nga mga kinaiya nga dili maayo nga kinaiya nga wala'y kalabotan sa sakit sa pangisip. At that time my state was not a free will divorce state. I dont know what to do. Kind of acting as if Im fine, almost seems like oh well, good, shes over it. As long as we are on the bible there are many places where we are commanded by God to divorce the unrepentant adulterers. Holy shit. He agreed. Neither is easy, but sometimes in the end we are better if we have put the necessary effort to learn and grow. Hopefully she told him he has got to try and somehow at least try to fix the mess HE has created. This morphed over time to mean different things including but not limited to this: For the record, he denied it. Satori- This really sucks. And when I got home he came over with my eldest son with whom I was very pissed at for his being all Switzerland. In fact, it may be that they have not even had a physical affair with the back-up. I was fortunate to have a psychiatrist and a therapist. Now you know why he behaves the way he does. However, that is highly doubtful since neither of them found it wrong to poach a spouse with a child who has special needs. Genetics are PuTang Mass Medical cut x Cake Fighter Stray Fox. In 2012 Psychology Today wrote an article about cold feet that cited Wilbanks as an example. Im greatful for that. That makes it an unfair playing field. The other blogs etc that Ive seen are sites contain good info, some are forums but if youre not 100% sure then they can seem overwhelming. Told my family. The two huge red flags for me were she never had empathy over any of her destructive behavior even before the affair. Satori- I feel for you. A had been going on for 4-5 months. I dont know how you managed it and to keep your family together yet without any counseling or personal support etc. ]. I cant imagine if Id had little ones. I had a suspicion that may have been the case a few days back. Bridal Store Dublin Emotions are raw.with regard to infidelity. Your email address will not be published. I dont believe I have ever requested to Doug and Linda how to run their blog. TH Shes really nice. Theres lots of good advice and insights here. Excuses galore. Many people have rude awakenings and find that they have been stuck with several hundred thousand dollars in credit card bills. What kind of lunacy does it take to correlate adults talking together to how we speak to children ??? Maybe she dumped him and that is why he is do upset. He conflates intelligence with the ability to control it be sneaky. After he got off plane, (trip where he met OW) he came back with a malaria type illness. Try to bring a couple of ..remember when.. to the date. And get some sleep! The calls were traced to a pay phone at a, May 9 Wilbanks entered a treatment facility "to address physical and mental issues which, she believes, played a major role in her running from herself.". While I was gone he started calling me and we started having pretty good conversations. What kind of a pusdy is he?? Focus on your wellbeing and your child(ren). Needless to say it came up a MC she said dream talking and drug talking dont mean anything. Staying calm and one day at a time etc. Weve all heard that dominant crap. Because even we love them and we want the marriage to continue, they know they have done such awful things to us that they cannot believe we can still love them. Honestly youd like her. She doesnt want to. Good luck to her she is going to need it. BlueSky She had to prove that her hear was mine alone. So, my spiritual coach said Im too strong for H (fighter vs flighter check!)
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